Over the course of the next 27 days, the networks will introduce a variety of new programs — and returning favorites — hoping to tempt your TV palate. And this week, three networks are out to prove that there are plenty of reasons to tune into their channels this month.

VH1 is the first to make its case with not one but two new programs debuting tonight. At 9 p.m., the network introduces rocker Bret Michaels' third attempt at finding true love in "Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels."

But first, at 8 p.m., VH1 brings seven strangers together to live in a loft to see what happens when people stop being polite and start being real. Well, OK, so it's not a loft — it's a sound stage at some studio in downtown L.A. But there are seven strangers. Seven washed-up actors, really, who — years removed from their fame — still seem fragile and shell-shocked.

"The guy in the "(Blue) Lagoon' is now building lagoons," says Christopher Atkins, rather sheepishly, about his bread-and-butter job as a pool builder in the opening moments of "Confessions of a Teen Idol."

The purpose of the gathering is to address and confront the mistakes these former teen idols made, both in their personal lives and their careers, as well as address how their lives have changed since fame was snatched away from them.

Of course, the real reason we're tuning in is because our curiosity is getting the better of us. I mean, who doesn't want to know whatever happened to Billy Hufsey?

Who?

(Call me obsessed, but I do really know who Hufsey is — one of my many teen crushes who appeared on the TV series "Fame.")

But if Hufsey and Atkins aren't your cup of tea, the series also features David Chokachi and Jeremy Jackson from "Baywatch" (is that show a career killer or what?), Jamie Walters from "Beverly Hills 90210," Adrian Zmed from "TJ Hooker" and Eric Nies from the very first "The Real World." Scott Baio and Jason Hervey (Wayne from "The Wonder Years") also are on hand to offer guidance and support. I kid you not.

Call me heartless, but I'd much rather watch these former heartthrobs live — and whine — together in a loft than witness their emotional and mental breakdowns (or breakthroughs) during group-therapy sessions. "Confessions of a Teen Idol" feels more like "Celebrity Rehab"-lite, and frankly, that's disappointing.

A NIP HERE, A TUCK THERE

The fifth season of "Nip/Tuck" resumes (yes, resumes — nearly a year later) at 10 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 6, on FX.

Considering that I scarcely remember what happened last year, the network quickly and thankfully brings us up to speed.

Sharon Gless' insane, fraudulent talent agent, Colleen Rose — apparently feeling that she hadn't gone far enough by slitting her wrists in Sean McNamara's (Dylan Walsh) apartment and literally stuffing a casting agent like a teddy bear — went on a bloody rampage, stabbing Sean multiple times in the back while he was performing plastic surgery on his daughter, Annie.

(Remember? She was in a car accident with Christian, played by Julian McMahon, which was caused by paparazzi.)

Why is no one else in the operating room, you might ask? Sean wanted to do the surgery himself, and his anesthesiologist, Liz (Roma Maffia), stepped out for a moment.

Sean's ex-wife, Julia (Joely Richardson), meanwhile, still apparently has no recollection of their long life together after ingesting arsenic-laced fruitcake that her lesbian lover's teenage daughter so thoughtfully fed her.

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

"Nip/Tuck" always has had elements of the ridiculous about it, and the second half of this season certainly is no exception. I don't want to give anything away — it's much more fun to watch and see for yourself — but let's just say that Sean by no means gets off scot free.

Indeed, he suffers quite a bit, and Christian has his own drama to contend with. By the end of the first episode, both men are forced to look at themselves in entirely different ways. That's a painful process for anyone, but most especially two surgeons who pride themselves on perfecting imperfections. How will they handle things that even they can't fix?

I'm not sure, but I guarantee you I'll keep watching "Nip/Tuck" to find out.

"FEAR' LEAVES ME COLD

If you're suffering from withdrawal now that VH1's "Scream Queens" is over, you might want to give "13 — Fear Is Real," which debuts at 8 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 7, a chance.

No, it's not another competition between actresses vying for a role in the next "Saw" movie. "13" puts 13 (shocking!) contestants through a variety of terrifying paces in order to win a grand prize of $66,666.

Couldn't it at least have been $666,666?

The baker's dozen are dumped in the marshy swamps of Louisiana, forced to sleep inside a ramshackle cabin filled with spiders and other creepy-crawly things. Speaking of creepy, a menacing-sounding voice named "Mastermind" phones them regularly with instructions.

During one such exchange, the contestants are paired up, with one group heading down the pitch-black road toward God-knows-what and the other following behind minutes later to rescue them.

A "death box" also is introduced, which, once broken into, gives one player the power to kill off fellow contestants. It's an interesting twist, but the show's relatively slow pace — despite a nail-biting first "execution ceremony" — keeps most of the excitement at bay.

"I don't do well in the dark," declares Leah from Philadelphia. "I don't do well with monsters."

Then what makes her think she's going to do well on this show?

"13 — Fear Is Real," executive-produced by "Spider-Man" director Sam Raimi, borrows elements from "The Blair Witch Project," "Saw," "Friday the 13th" and myriad other horror movies. Which is fine, if the show lived up to the excitement and pure terror that all of those films generated. But it doesn't; it just kind of lies there, like a corpse.

And therein lies the problem.